By Gretchen Rubin
Go to bed thirty minutes earlier than usual.
Get up twenty minutes earlier than usual.
Before you go to sleep, prepare for the morning.
Bring a hat and an umbrella.
Don’t wear tight clothes or uncomfortable shoes.
Make a list.
Listen to a favorite song.
Keep extra cash and stamps in the house.
Be polite and be fair.
Laugh out loud.
Have a good book to read.
Keep an extra set of keys.
Exercise.
Always keep your passport in the same place.
Throw something away.
Don’t say mean things about other people.
Put a Bandaid in your wallet.
Keep gas in the car.
Pay attention to someone else.
Make your bed.
There’s a lot of advice out there about getting good sleep; here are tips that work for me:
Good habits for good sleep:
1. Exercise most days, even if it’s just to take a walk.
2. No caffeine after 7:00 p.m.
3. An hour before bedtime, avoid doing any kind of work that takes alert thinking. Addressing envelopes—okay. Analyzing an article—nope.
4. Adjust your bedroom temperature to be slightly chilly.
5. Keep your bedroom dark. Studies show that even the tiny light from a digital alarm clock can disrupt a sleep cycle. We have about six devices in our room that glow bright green; it’s like sleeping in a mad scientist’s lab. The Big Man's new pet, a Roomba (yes, he loves his robot vacuum), gives out so much light that I have to cover it with a pillow before bed.
6. Keep the bedroom as tidy as possible. It’s not restful to fight through chaos into bed.
If sleep won’t come:
1. Breathe deeply and slowly until you can’t stand it anymore.
2. If your mind is racing (you’re planning a trip, a move, Christmas shopping; you’re worried about a medical diagnosis), write down what’s on your mind. This technique really works for me.
3. Slather yourself with body lotion. It feels good and also, if you’re having trouble sleeping because you’re hot, it cools you down.
4. If your feet are cold, put on socks.
5. Stretch your whole body.
6. Have a warm drink. Some people claim that warm milk contains melatonin and trytophan and so helps induce sleep, but in fact, a glass of milk doesn’t contain enough to have any effect. But it’s still a soothing drink. My nighttime favorite: 1/3 mug of milk, add boiling water, one packet of Equal, and a dash of vanilla. A real nursery treat.
7. Yawn.
8. Stretch your toes up and down several times.
9. Tell yourself, “I have to get up now.” Imagine that you just hit the snooze alarm and in a minute, you’re going to be marching through the morning routine. Often this is an exhausting enough prospect to make me fall asleep.
Re-frame your sleeplessness as a welcome opportunity to snatch some extra time out of your day. I get up and tackle mundane chores, like paying bills, organizing books, or tidying up. Then I start the day with a wonderful feeling of having accomplished something even before 6:45 am.
This Wednesday: Six dodges for pretending that you're not gossiping, when you really are.
This Wednesday: Six dodges for pretending that you’re not gossiping, when you really are.
I’d never considered gossiping one of my particular faults. Sure, from time to time I said something behind someone’s back, but not often. Right? Wrong.
As so often happens with the Happiness Project, it was only when I made a point to quit this bad habit that I realized how ingrained it was.
By “gossip,” I mean “making unkind remarks behind the back of someone I know.” Saying, “Paris Hilton is trashy” doesn’t count as gossip, and saying “Elizabeth Craft is a brilliant TV writer” doesn’t count.
We all know that we shouldn’t gossip, so sometimes we try to disguise the fact that that’s what we’re doing. Here are some common dodges I know I’ve used to justify gossip:
1.“I’m just concerned.”
“I’m worried about her, she seems unhappy, I wonder if she got a bad evaluation.” “Those two never seem to do anything together, I hope their marriage isn’t in trouble.”
2. “I’m thoughtfully analyzing to my friend’s character.”
“Do you think he’s so arrogant because his mother pushed him so hard as a child?” “Do you think she spends so much money on clothes because she feels some kind of lack in her life?”
3. “I’m entitled to my opinion.”
“That party was too lavish for a bunch of six-year-olds.” “The hors d’oeuvres were terrible.” “He’s such a pompous bore.”
4. “I’m passing along information that a lot of people already know.”
“They’re fighting over custody.” “He’s gained at least twenty pounds.”
5. “I’m just relaying a conversation.”
“He said, ‘I’m thinking about quitting,’ and I said, ‘Can you afford to quit?’ and he said….” “She told me that they spent more than $10,000…”
6. “I’m not gossiping, you are.”
“So what did you think of what she was wearing?” “Did the CEO think they bombed the presentation?”
Here’s the test of whether something is gossip or not: if I wouldn’t want the person who's the subject of the conversation to overhear what I’m saying, I shouldn’t be saying it.
Research shows that gossip is actually an important social force. It strengthens social bonds; it’s a mechanism for the formulation and enforcement of values; it provides punishment for wrongdoers.
I’m sure that’s true. Gossiping really does make you feel closer to the people with whom you’re gossiping. And by talking about other people’s actions, you get a clearer sense of people’s values. There are occasions when gossip is appropriate. But often it’s just rude, two-faced, and mean-spirited.
Since I’ve cut down on gossiping (I can’t claim to have quit), I’ve noticed a change in myself that I didn’t expect: I feel less paranoid that people might be angry at me, or that I’ve done something wrong. I feel kinder and gentler. I feel less judgmental.
I did carve out a marital exception, and I’ll still say gossipy things to the Big Man that I wouldn’t say to anyone else. Is that progress?
This post was hard to write, because I’m ashamed to admit to gossiping. Maybe this confession will help me stick to my resolution.
***
No comments:
Post a Comment