Repost: Written By a Friend

Reposting this not just because it was written by a friend, but because it's a good read. Contains some interesting insights which I agree with. Hoping I could read that story she's working on.

I'm proud of Jams, but I'm not surprised by this feat because I know how brilliant she is. I miss our conversations Jams. :p

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Youngblood
That expat feeling

By Jamina Vesta Jugo
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 23:33:00 01/15/2010

Filed Under: Education, Language

ENGLISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE. My primary and secondary education took place in international schools. I have been to the United States several times, and have also visited Thailand, Hong Kong, Singapore and the Netherlands.

These are the bare facts, but if I had space to do so, I would be able to cite many more possible explanations as to why I sometimes feel out of place in the Philippines. Those examples would both be more interesting and more difficult to explain, but I think the reader already knows everything he/she needs to know about my background.

Like many other young Filipinos with literary ambitions, I dream of writing an insightful, original story full of brilliant insights into contemporary Filipino society and culture. I have tried many times, but always, my style seems too Westernized, completely inappropriate for writing from a Filipino perspective. The atmosphere always feels forced, and I can never manage to write convincing Taglish dialogue.

And then I had a breakthrough. Recently, I began a story that, while far from great, is a lot better than my previous efforts. The main difference between this story and those before it is that the main character is a foreigner. Sam, the protagonist, is a young American staying with a German expat family in Manila. The story follows a small circle of classmates and their parents. There are no big political events, and there is only one “native” Filipino character with a major role.

For some reason, this unfinished story feels more truly Filipino than anything I have written so far. Since he is an outsider, Sam’s eyes see beautiful, funny, horrifying things everywhere. He is not always right (actually, he is often wrong), but his mistakes often have more to say than his realizations.

I don’t think Sam resonates only with people with an upbringing similar to my own. I have shown parts of Sam’s story to others with a more conventionally Filipino upbringing, and they often agree with what he says and thinks about the Philippines.

Why is it easier to write about one’s own country by pretending to be a foreigner? Of course, that is not the real question. The real one is: Why is it sometimes easier to relate to foreigners when looking at one’s own country?

Many people will say that this is because Filipinos, especially the young ones, have been exposed to so much foreign media and culture that they can no longer think as Filipinos. There may be some truth to this. Still, I think there are other factors.

I refer here to the moments that make one’s own country seem like a foreign land. You might witness something beautiful, like a mountain or lake, that is so wonderful that you feel as if you were on the other side of the world. The country that you have been taking for granted suddenly shocks you with its splendor. Or you might see something very funny, like that ad with that popular novelty song teaching voters how to fill up a ballot. One can’t help but laugh at the charming strangeness.

Then again, the moment of foreign-ness may come on the heels of a terrible event, some shocking act of violence that we cannot accept as happening in our homeland. How is it that we live in a place where such things happen? Don’t things like that happen only in other countries?

This feeling is not unique to Filipinos. It can happen to a person of any nationality, whenever his country makes him feel alienated or betrayed. We all feel a little foreign sometimes, even if we have never left our homeland. It is the only logical reaction whenever we feel that the place we are supposed to call home has been turned upside down. We are standing on the ceiling, staring up at the floor.

Such a feeling often passes. It is astounding what sort of things, good and bad, human beings can learn to get used to. However, it is important to remember this disorientation. We have to remember how it felt and what caused it, so that we do not get used to living in a place where terrible acts of violence have become commonplace. Remember the expat feeling, so that we can clean house, and turn our country into a place where citizens feel at home.

Jamina Vesta Jugo, 22, graduated from the Ateneo de Manila University in 2009 with an AB in European Studies, magna cum laude.