Without sounding conceited, I think I'm a pretty nice person. That's not to say that I don't act like a jerk every now and then, because I know how difficult and mean I can be as well. But that's not the point of this entry.
People say to me "You're so nice". Because I'm not used to compliments, I kind of shy away and say "No, I'm not.", "Not really.", or just smile and remain silent.
If someone would ask me why I'm so nice, I'd like to say that it's because of all the other nice people in my life, who teach me how to be nice, give me their time, and shower me with unexpected love, care, and kindness.
One of the things I hope for is to pay that forward. To be that same nice, kind, caring, and loving person to others.
To all the nice people in my life. This is for you. I hope you know who you are. Thank you.
** Would just like to specially mention Clark, Sir Andrew Soh, Sir Carmelo Lopez, Kat, Bridge. **
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Keyed
Life is funny. I was having a good walk, inspired to write, but then something happened. It threw me off. This is not how this piece was supposed to start.
Let's try again.
*
Life is funny. When you get caught up in tasks, worries, diversions, it passes you by. You forget where you are, where you've been, how you got here.
Around this time, last year, I was preparing to go to Glasgow. Didn't have an exact date, I just knew that I was going. Now, I'm here. I have a move-out date, but this time, I don't know where I'm going.
It's hard to believe a year has gone by. It is always worthwhile to step back and to take time to absorb everything that has happened. To remember.
You can't step in the same river twice. Nothing is ever the same.
Beginning and ending can be exciting, as well as difficult. But sometimes, it's the in-between that's the hardest. That's the part they skim through in movies. It's where they use the score to replace dialog and to show fast-forwarded events. In reality, you can't fast-forward through everyday life. There is no score that accompanies you. Instead, there is silence, which you must listen to, so that you can hear that inner voice. That child that we once were, and ultimately, still are. The one who is honest and unafraid to admit what he or she truly wants.
I've had several conversations with that child. And that brought me here.
Gradually encouraging that child to come out again.
"Come on buddy, let's go for a walk."
Let's try again.
*
Life is funny. When you get caught up in tasks, worries, diversions, it passes you by. You forget where you are, where you've been, how you got here.
Around this time, last year, I was preparing to go to Glasgow. Didn't have an exact date, I just knew that I was going. Now, I'm here. I have a move-out date, but this time, I don't know where I'm going.
It's hard to believe a year has gone by. It is always worthwhile to step back and to take time to absorb everything that has happened. To remember.
You can't step in the same river twice. Nothing is ever the same.
Beginning and ending can be exciting, as well as difficult. But sometimes, it's the in-between that's the hardest. That's the part they skim through in movies. It's where they use the score to replace dialog and to show fast-forwarded events. In reality, you can't fast-forward through everyday life. There is no score that accompanies you. Instead, there is silence, which you must listen to, so that you can hear that inner voice. That child that we once were, and ultimately, still are. The one who is honest and unafraid to admit what he or she truly wants.
I've had several conversations with that child. And that brought me here.
Gradually encouraging that child to come out again.
"Come on buddy, let's go for a walk."
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Me
Bakit parang hindi ko kaya nang wala siya?
Ganito ba talaga?
Ang tagal ko na kasing hindi naramdaman ito.
Siguro nga...
Hindi
Alam ko.
Mahal ko siya
kasi kahit masakit,
Nandito ako
Naghihintay
Ganito ba talaga?
Ang tagal ko na kasing hindi naramdaman ito.
Siguro nga...
Hindi
Alam ko.
Mahal ko siya
kasi kahit masakit,
Nandito ako
Naghihintay
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Torn
I want to write something. Something clever.
Something profound.
I want to find a metaphor. Something that
will express my feelings adequately. Something that can capture the complexity
of emotions I am experiencing. But I can’t.
It’s almost three o’clock in the morning. Another
late night.
You know it’s rather bad when I opt to
write instead of watching my basketball game.
See, I don’t know. I’m at a loss for words.
Or maybe not.
That’s part of the confusion.
I really want to reach out.
But I’m scared.
Of making myself vulnerable…again.
Of getting hurt.
I’m tired.
Yet if I don’t do anything. It feels just
as bad.
It feels like this.
Monday, December 31, 2012
2012
I remember telling myself in 2011 that 2012 was going to be my year.
Well, to some extent it technically was, I’m a Dragon! :p …but yeah,
I’ll remember 2012 as the year I actually fought for my passions and
dreams.
2 big things:
San Antonio - first Spurs and Silver Stars game; met Becky Hammon
Glasgow - first time on my own; new country; MSc Psychological Studies
Thank you Lord - “Papa”, “Pop” - as I like to call You. You are my rock and my salvation. All of this is from You. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.
Thanks to my family and friends - for being there and for putting up with me. It may not always be obvious, but you guys know that I love you.
Let’s all keep growing. AMDG.
2 big things:
San Antonio - first Spurs and Silver Stars game; met Becky Hammon
Glasgow - first time on my own; new country; MSc Psychological Studies
Thank you Lord - “Papa”, “Pop” - as I like to call You. You are my rock and my salvation. All of this is from You. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.
Thanks to my family and friends - for being there and for putting up with me. It may not always be obvious, but you guys know that I love you.
Let’s all keep growing. AMDG.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
One of those things
Can't believe it's my first post (in here) for 2012. I could say, I've been rather busy "living" 2012, and use that as an excuse. But that's partially true.
Anyway, I don't want to go off-tangent - which I could easily do.
I got a haircut today. And Kylie, my hair stylist - I think she'll be my new hair stylist, at least while I'm here, oceans away from Angelo - mentions "Mumford & Sons" and "banjo". Somehow, something clicked. That might lead me to "that song" I was looking for.
~
Christmas Eve 2012
I was in Edinburgh, spending a day with myself - my first Christmas Eve away from family and friends.
There's a flying swing ride at the Christmas Market (i.e. like E.K.'s "Flying Fiesta"). It was one of the first things I passed and noticed on my way in. Thought it might be nice to ride it, but then thought twice about spending GBP 4. So, I just kept walking - ate, played a game, bought a hat.
It got dark early - unsurprisingly, given it was winter. Starts to drizzle. I pass the swings. Edinburgh's evening lights were beautiful. Something in me pulls me to go for the ride. I make an instantaneous decision to go for it - impulsive, carefree.
That was "a" moment. Could have been the lights; the beautiful evening view of Edinburgh's Princes Street; the wind, accompanied by light rain, blowing through my face; the homey, country, acoustic song in the background; the split-second decision I had previously made.
That was the moment I greeted myself "Merry Christmas". I was alone - physically away from family and friends - but I was in solitude with myself. Felt a sense of freedom, accomplishment, a moment of contentment - nothing mattered, I was "mindful" of my worries, but I was just "there", in the moment.
Haven't felt that way since I played my first basketball game six years ago.
~
Boxing Day 2012
I was at one of the shops along Buchanan Street. I hear a familiar tune. It was "the song". I smile. I listen to the lyrics. Called upon my normally good memory to remember a few lines so I could search for the song later on. I just wanted to enjoy the song - recalling my moment in Edinburgh.
Got home. Memory failed me. Couldn't even remember the tune. But I know that when I hear it, if I ever hear it again, I'd recognize it. But what were the chances of that? Gave it up and went to bed - thinking I'd never figure out what song that was.
~
29 December
Kylie asks - for the second time; perhaps she forgot my answer - what type of music I like. I say, "Alternative, mostly. You know, The Script?"
She says yeah and nods her head. Kylie mentions Mumford & Sons and asks if I know them. I tell her I don't, although I might have heard, without really knowing. She mentions "banjo". Something clicks. She tells me that she's done some backstage work for them and for some other artists.
Home. I type "Mumford & Sons" on YouTube. Searchbox recommends "I Will Wait". I find my song.
~
It's one of those things. A simple thing, yet extremely meaningful.
Makes you think of fate; serendipity; moments; meanings. Somehow things fall into place. Somehow things come full circle. Somehow things always make sense - sometimes sooner rather than later, although most often the latter.
Makes my first haircut in Glasgow more memorable.
Reminds me of the beauty of moments in life.
I've had a lot of moments in 2012. Let's have and make more in 2013.
Cheers.
Anyway, I don't want to go off-tangent - which I could easily do.
I got a haircut today. And Kylie, my hair stylist - I think she'll be my new hair stylist, at least while I'm here, oceans away from Angelo - mentions "Mumford & Sons" and "banjo". Somehow, something clicked. That might lead me to "that song" I was looking for.
~
Christmas Eve 2012
I was in Edinburgh, spending a day with myself - my first Christmas Eve away from family and friends.
There's a flying swing ride at the Christmas Market (i.e. like E.K.'s "Flying Fiesta"). It was one of the first things I passed and noticed on my way in. Thought it might be nice to ride it, but then thought twice about spending GBP 4. So, I just kept walking - ate, played a game, bought a hat.
It got dark early - unsurprisingly, given it was winter. Starts to drizzle. I pass the swings. Edinburgh's evening lights were beautiful. Something in me pulls me to go for the ride. I make an instantaneous decision to go for it - impulsive, carefree.
That was "a" moment. Could have been the lights; the beautiful evening view of Edinburgh's Princes Street; the wind, accompanied by light rain, blowing through my face; the homey, country, acoustic song in the background; the split-second decision I had previously made.
That was the moment I greeted myself "Merry Christmas". I was alone - physically away from family and friends - but I was in solitude with myself. Felt a sense of freedom, accomplishment, a moment of contentment - nothing mattered, I was "mindful" of my worries, but I was just "there", in the moment.
Haven't felt that way since I played my first basketball game six years ago.
~
Boxing Day 2012
I was at one of the shops along Buchanan Street. I hear a familiar tune. It was "the song". I smile. I listen to the lyrics. Called upon my normally good memory to remember a few lines so I could search for the song later on. I just wanted to enjoy the song - recalling my moment in Edinburgh.
Got home. Memory failed me. Couldn't even remember the tune. But I know that when I hear it, if I ever hear it again, I'd recognize it. But what were the chances of that? Gave it up and went to bed - thinking I'd never figure out what song that was.
~
29 December
Kylie asks - for the second time; perhaps she forgot my answer - what type of music I like. I say, "Alternative, mostly. You know, The Script?"
She says yeah and nods her head. Kylie mentions Mumford & Sons and asks if I know them. I tell her I don't, although I might have heard, without really knowing. She mentions "banjo". Something clicks. She tells me that she's done some backstage work for them and for some other artists.
Home. I type "Mumford & Sons" on YouTube. Searchbox recommends "I Will Wait". I find my song.
~
It's one of those things. A simple thing, yet extremely meaningful.
Makes you think of fate; serendipity; moments; meanings. Somehow things fall into place. Somehow things come full circle. Somehow things always make sense - sometimes sooner rather than later, although most often the latter.
Makes my first haircut in Glasgow more memorable.
Reminds me of the beauty of moments in life.
I've had a lot of moments in 2012. Let's have and make more in 2013.
Cheers.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
4-26-11
Sometimes it's better to be an adult. Sometimes it's better to be a kid. Don't we wish we can talk to the kids in us?
“Am I afraid?” the elder figure somberly replied.
“Why else would you be in such misery?” the figure retorted matter-of-factly.
“Because I don’t know what I want. I don’t know which way to go.”
“What do I want? Tell me because I want to know.” The elder added after a moment’s pause. The figure just stared quietly. “I wish I could be like you. You know what you want. It’s easy to decide. You don’t feel any pressure. You don’t worry so much. You just know what you want. I know when we were little we knew what we wanted but we didn’t always say it. Or when we did, we didn’t get it all the time. Sometimes we’d push to no avail. At other times, we’d just give up because we got tired.”
“You’re such an adult.” The child finally said.
“I know. It sucks sometimes. I feel like it’s the ‘wise’ thing to do. To go through all of these. I have to make an informed decision. It’s the ‘responsible’ thing to do.”
“Listen to yourself. You sound sarcastic.” The child pointed out.
“Sarcastic? Where’d you learn that word?” The 22-year-old said amusedly.
“I’m part you remember? I know stuff.”
“So what do I do now?”
“Do you always have to ask that?” The child asked in an annoyed tone. “You know we didn’t like being told what to do. We always complained about how adults decided everything.”
“It’s pretty ironic that I’m asking you now then.”
“Yep, now you’re the adult and I’m the kid.”
“Do I know what I want?”
“I’m part you remember? I know what I want.” The kid replied smartly.
“And you’re not going to tell me?” The adult asked in a pleading manner.
“Where’s the fun in that?” The kid replied drolly.
“I wasn’t a mean kid.”
“You like mind games. You like solving puzzles and figuring out stuff. Makes you feel smart.” The kid replied lightheartedly.
“You’re an annoying little smart aleck.” The adult replied half-amused.
“I know you are.” The child said with a grin.
“Will I talk to you again soon?” The elder asked curiously.
“Yeah. He’ll send me back.” The smaller figure said waving goodbye. “It’ll be fine.” The child added with a knowing smile.
***
“Why are you so afraid of what you want?” said a little voice.
“What do I want? Tell me because I want to know.” The elder added after a moment’s pause. The figure just stared quietly. “I wish I could be like you. You know what you want. It’s easy to decide. You don’t feel any pressure. You don’t worry so much. You just know what you want. I know when we were little we knew what we wanted but we didn’t always say it. Or when we did, we didn’t get it all the time. Sometimes we’d push to no avail. At other times, we’d just give up because we got tired.”
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