Even though I am not exactly in the mood to elaborate on it, I said I would blog about it so I might as well post it and maybe come back to it next time. Yesterday Aileen and Hans asked me to step up...(when Ai first said step up, I thought she was talking about the movie so it startled me, hehe...) Anyway, it just struck me. In a weird and somewhat inexplicable way, it kinda made me feel good. I guess it's because it made me feel needed in a way and I guess being needed feels good because it makes you feel like you're worth something. It made me feel excited too, like thinking that I will exert more effort and be a bit serious this semester (not that I've been goofing off but I haven't taken my work as seriously, especially in couple of subjects, hehe...) But after today, I don't feel so enthusiastic about anything...I can't even blog about my immersion, I seem to be blank tonight. (I am still not over the fact that I missed the USA-Argentina game, somebody please tell me how I can watch it...)
Anyway, that's all for now. I will try to be a bit productive tonight by reading Theo, editing citations...then I will try to cheer myself up by fiddling with my ZEN.
(I'm still very sad...)
I might go back to this post and elaborate on it next time.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Not My Day
I don't like this day. For one thing, I haven't been as productive as I thought I would be. I read those annoying comments about Becky Hammon, in line with that I am annoyed that USA beat Russia. But the perhaps the most irritating thing is that I missed the USA vs. Argentina basketball game. I don't know if CS Sports just didn't show it or I was just stupid because they might have shown it earlier but I didn't catch it because I thought they would show it around 9 or something like that, I can't even remember what time I asked Cha to turn the TV on. Arg...I am so annoyed, this is not my day. If anyone knows how I can watch a replay of the USA vs. Russia Women's basketball and the USA vs. Argentina men's basketball, please let me know...it would totally cheer me up if I can watch those games...I looked forward to the game, it was supposed to be the highlight of my day...just imagine my disappointment.
(I'm pretty down right now...pretty pathetic, but I'm a basketball freak)
(I'm pretty down right now...pretty pathetic, but I'm a basketball freak)
Thoughts for the Day
Warning: Most people probably would not understand what I am specifically talking about here; I intended it to be so. I think only I can truly understand...hehe...
I was disturbed by my feelings late afternoon today. I don't like the way I felt, the feeling of being left behind. I do not know if it is jealousy. Sometimes I think I am so immature whenever I get upset when the reality that the world does not revolve around me hits me. I do not know why I feel so insecure, even though I know it isn't the case, I can't help but feel that people care less about me when they focus on other people. Am I that selfish or am I just really insecure and afraid? I don't know. But I do know that I don't like this feeling and I shouldn't be feeling this way. This is something I'll have to work on.
(Note: this entry would have been less vague if I had not been distracted by the Becky Hammon issue; it irritated and affected me so much that I forgot all about what I felt a while ago. In a way, I'm thankful for that because it was a terrible feeling...Go Becky! You're the best!)
I was disturbed by my feelings late afternoon today. I don't like the way I felt, the feeling of being left behind. I do not know if it is jealousy. Sometimes I think I am so immature whenever I get upset when the reality that the world does not revolve around me hits me. I do not know why I feel so insecure, even though I know it isn't the case, I can't help but feel that people care less about me when they focus on other people. Am I that selfish or am I just really insecure and afraid? I don't know. But I do know that I don't like this feeling and I shouldn't be feeling this way. This is something I'll have to work on.
(Note: this entry would have been less vague if I had not been distracted by the Becky Hammon issue; it irritated and affected me so much that I forgot all about what I felt a while ago. In a way, I'm thankful for that because it was a terrible feeling...Go Becky! You're the best!)
Thoughts about Becky
I'm supposed to be blogging for my Theo class but I'm not in the working mode yet. I wanted to blog about a lot of things but right now I just can't seem to get over the whole Becky Hammon controversy. It's something that made news last June but I only heard about it now. I just find the negative comments about her so mean and disturbing. Perhaps I am biased because I am a Becky Hammon fan, but the negative comments that I've read are just real mean and unreasonable. After reading them I can't help but feel real irritated; they make me wish that Russia had beaten the USA last night...arg...I would've loved to see Becky win a gold medal...anyway, I hope she wins the bronze! (I hope she can play again next Olympics, I'll be rooting for Russia then).
I guess as a fan, I just wanted to say something about the issue. Even though Becky Hammon would probably never get the chance to read this blog, I'd just like to say that I think she is a great basketball player, heck she's my favorite WNBA player and she is one of the best; I was extremely surprised that the US team didn't give her a spot. I hope all those negative comments never affected her. Go Becky! I'm proud of you for living your dream. I can't wait to see you back in the WNBA and win a championship; she should win an MVP award too. She's definitely an MVP and a gold medalist in my book.
(Again, I just feel so irritated...I really wish that Russia had beaten the USA last night!!!!)
I guess as a fan, I just wanted to say something about the issue. Even though Becky Hammon would probably never get the chance to read this blog, I'd just like to say that I think she is a great basketball player, heck she's my favorite WNBA player and she is one of the best; I was extremely surprised that the US team didn't give her a spot. I hope all those negative comments never affected her. Go Becky! I'm proud of you for living your dream. I can't wait to see you back in the WNBA and win a championship; she should win an MVP award too. She's definitely an MVP and a gold medalist in my book.
(Again, I just feel so irritated...I really wish that Russia had beaten the USA last night!!!!)
Happy and Sad
Even though I am not exactly in the mood to elaborate on it, I said I would blog about it so I might as well post it and maybe come back to it next time. Yesterday Aileen and Hans asked me to step up...(when Ai first said step up, I thought she was talking about the movie so it startled me, hehe...) Anyway, it just struck me. In a weird and somewhat inexplicable way, it kinda made me feel good. I guess it's because it made me feel needed in a way and I guess being needed feels good because it makes you feel like you're worth something. It made me feel excited too, like thinking that I will exert more effort and be a bit serious this semester (not that I've been goofing off but I haven't taken my work as seriously, especially in couple of subjects, hehe...) But after today, I don't feel so enthusiastic about anything...I can't even blog about my immersion, I seem to be blank tonight. (I am still not over the fact that I missed the USA-Argentina game, somebody please tell me how I can watch it...)
Anyway, that's all for now. I will try to be a bit productive tonight by reading Theo, editing citations...then I will try to cheer myself up by fiddling with my ZEN.
(I'm still very sad...)
I might go back to this post and elaborate on it next time.
Anyway, that's all for now. I will try to be a bit productive tonight by reading Theo, editing citations...then I will try to cheer myself up by fiddling with my ZEN.
(I'm still very sad...)
I might go back to this post and elaborate on it next time.
Not My Day
I don't like this day. For one thing, I haven't been as productive as I thought I would be. I read those annoying comments about Becky Hammon, in line with that I am annoyed that USA beat Russia. But the perhaps the most irritating thing is that I missed the USA vs. Argentina basketball game. I don't know if CS Sports just didn't show it or I was just stupid because they might have shown it earlier but I didn't catch it because I thought they would show it around 9 or something like that, I can't even remember what time I asked Cha to turn the TV on. Arg...I am so annoyed, this is not my day. If anyone knows how I can watch a replay of the USA vs. Russia Women's basketball and the USA vs. Argentina men's basketball, please let me know...it would totally cheer me up if I can watch those games...I looked forward to the game, it was supposed to be the highlight of my day...just imagine my disappointment.
(I'm pretty down right now...pretty pathetic, but I'm a basketball freak)
(I'm pretty down right now...pretty pathetic, but I'm a basketball freak)
Friday, August 15, 2008
Special
I was looking forward to my History class today because our group papers were going to be returned, but before that event, our reflection papers in Political Science were unexpectedly returned. Even more surprising than that was that I got an A in my PolSci paper...I mean that was TOTALLY unexpected. I am thankful for that.
We got a good grade in our group paper too. That one, I was hoping for.
But what beats all of these today is my experience during my quiet time in the chapel today. After I talked to God, as in ranting about my day and how jolly and thankful I was; I paused for a few minutes to listen to Him, I had ranted enough...hehe...
And then I felt it, something warm and good within me. I felt like God was proud of me...not because of the grades I got...I don't know exactly...I just felt like He was telling me that He was proud of me. It felt good. At first I doubted the feeling, maybe it was just me; an extension of my joy over my papers...but no, I was inexplicably certain that He was telling me that He was proud of me.
It was just a great feeling. I don't really remember the feeling anymore, but I remember telling myself then that nothing beats that feeling, not even getting a QPI of 3.9. Unfortunately, right now I am longing for the feeling that QPI of 3.9 will give me; I am back to thinking that it would give me such joy and pride. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that is only superficial. Although I cannot exactly remember what I felt, I know that nothing beats what I felt in the chapel. Thanks Lord.
I pray and hope that once in a while I make You smile. (",)
We got a good grade in our group paper too. That one, I was hoping for.
But what beats all of these today is my experience during my quiet time in the chapel today. After I talked to God, as in ranting about my day and how jolly and thankful I was; I paused for a few minutes to listen to Him, I had ranted enough...hehe...
And then I felt it, something warm and good within me. I felt like God was proud of me...not because of the grades I got...I don't know exactly...I just felt like He was telling me that He was proud of me. It felt good. At first I doubted the feeling, maybe it was just me; an extension of my joy over my papers...but no, I was inexplicably certain that He was telling me that He was proud of me.
It was just a great feeling. I don't really remember the feeling anymore, but I remember telling myself then that nothing beats that feeling, not even getting a QPI of 3.9. Unfortunately, right now I am longing for the feeling that QPI of 3.9 will give me; I am back to thinking that it would give me such joy and pride. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that is only superficial. Although I cannot exactly remember what I felt, I know that nothing beats what I felt in the chapel. Thanks Lord.
I pray and hope that once in a while I make You smile. (",)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Angry Thoughts
I don't normally like blogging when I am angry, but this may be one exception, I have to let this out because it is interfering with my plans for the night. I could probably just type all of these and not post it, but what the heck, I just really want to let this out here, despite the fact that the person involved will most likely read this, heck, I might even be the one to tell that person to read this once we have settled this.
I just find it so irritating how some people can just be so argschmaganoff. They get ticked off by one little thing and then refuse to let it go the entire night! Maybe they are just going through something, like they are very tired, so maybe they should be understood. I would have been fine with that, but one particular incident occurred which totally blew me off. I don't need to specify that incident here, but the thing is this, once you have broken my trust, it is difficult to get it back fully. Depending on your relationship with me, I might still be able to trust you, but every time that particular issue which caused my trust to break comes up, I can't help but be distrustful. I become suspicious and sometimes paranoid about it. I am not trying to defend myself here, I am just stating something that I'm pretty sure is normal and understandable.
It's just so annoying. The funny thing is, I was coming over to apologize and try to set things right when that particular incident which blew me off occurred. It could have been meant to be, I don't know. Anyway, I will confront the person and bring up these issues, most probably tomorrow. I don't know how that will go, but I am hoping it will go well.
I am still not totally okay, every time I think about what happened tonight and the way that person has acted, I start gritting my teeth and get annoyed all over again. It is totally preventing me from relaxing. I don't even know if I can sleep properly tonight! But I don't want to sleep with anger and that is why I am trying to let this out here. I want to forget about it for a while because I want to recollect my day, I met with my spiritual companion today and I want to jot down the points we talked about, I kinda need to be in a good mood to do that properly, this annoyed feeling that I have is certainly not conducive to that...darn it!
This will be bothering me tomorrow, I'm not preempting it, but it's one of those things that don't stop bothering you until you get to the bottom of it, that is why I am looking forward to my talk with the person that this post is talking about. I will also tell Aileen about my concerns tomorrow (I do not know why I am enumerating what I am going to do). Anyway, since I'm starting to talk to myself through my side comments, I guess I am in a better mood, although not yet totally.
...there goes my plan to read a few pages of PolSci...totally not in the mood for that. I will just jot down points during my spiritual companionship session, pray then sleep...(they are not showing women's olympic basketball, another irritating thing! I don't know why they choose to show fencing, boxing and beach volleyball; there are more entertaining sports such as gymnastics, swimming, basketball, not just men's but women's as well! How discriminatory!)
That is all for now. I will blab again next time.
I just find it so irritating how some people can just be so argschmaganoff. They get ticked off by one little thing and then refuse to let it go the entire night! Maybe they are just going through something, like they are very tired, so maybe they should be understood. I would have been fine with that, but one particular incident occurred which totally blew me off. I don't need to specify that incident here, but the thing is this, once you have broken my trust, it is difficult to get it back fully. Depending on your relationship with me, I might still be able to trust you, but every time that particular issue which caused my trust to break comes up, I can't help but be distrustful. I become suspicious and sometimes paranoid about it. I am not trying to defend myself here, I am just stating something that I'm pretty sure is normal and understandable.
It's just so annoying. The funny thing is, I was coming over to apologize and try to set things right when that particular incident which blew me off occurred. It could have been meant to be, I don't know. Anyway, I will confront the person and bring up these issues, most probably tomorrow. I don't know how that will go, but I am hoping it will go well.
I am still not totally okay, every time I think about what happened tonight and the way that person has acted, I start gritting my teeth and get annoyed all over again. It is totally preventing me from relaxing. I don't even know if I can sleep properly tonight! But I don't want to sleep with anger and that is why I am trying to let this out here. I want to forget about it for a while because I want to recollect my day, I met with my spiritual companion today and I want to jot down the points we talked about, I kinda need to be in a good mood to do that properly, this annoyed feeling that I have is certainly not conducive to that...darn it!
This will be bothering me tomorrow, I'm not preempting it, but it's one of those things that don't stop bothering you until you get to the bottom of it, that is why I am looking forward to my talk with the person that this post is talking about. I will also tell Aileen about my concerns tomorrow (I do not know why I am enumerating what I am going to do). Anyway, since I'm starting to talk to myself through my side comments, I guess I am in a better mood, although not yet totally.
...there goes my plan to read a few pages of PolSci...totally not in the mood for that. I will just jot down points during my spiritual companionship session, pray then sleep...(they are not showing women's olympic basketball, another irritating thing! I don't know why they choose to show fencing, boxing and beach volleyball; there are more entertaining sports such as gymnastics, swimming, basketball, not just men's but women's as well! How discriminatory!)
That is all for now. I will blab again next time.
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