Scared

I was just bursting to let this out. I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog about it but I hope that this might help. I've been having this feeling for a quite a while now but it just resurfaced again, I kinda forgot about it but just a few minutes ago, I felt it again and it scared me.

I feel like I'm becoming my old self again, not that that is bad, but I like the new me; the more carefree one, the less OC one, the less pressured one. Right now, I'm scared that I'm becoming all OC again and I can't help but feel some kind of pressure, pressure to do well that is. I'm just scared. I don't wanna go back to that. Sometimes I feel like I'm thinking too much again. I just feel so restless sometimes. I don't know what to do. It's just scary.

I guess I'm kind of afraid repeating my third year second semester. I had a good semester and a good break so far. I'm just scared. I guess I just need a constant reminder. I need to constantly remind myself of the more important things. I have to remind myself that it's just school and it's just another part of my life. I'm just so afraid to go back.

But I guess this is good for me. It'll help me solidify the new things about me. I think it might help me balance things out. I guess a part of me is starting to feel pressured because now I feel like I have no excuse not to do well and not to be okay. When the first semester started, I guess I had an excuse, but now that I'm better I guess a part of me feels like I have no longer have an excuse.

I'm just afraid of making the same mistakes. But I guess I shouldn't let my fear overwhelm me, instead, I think I should let it remind me of what I should do, what I should keep in mind. I can do this. I can get through this.

And I know, I felt it while I was praying, God's here for me...everything's gonna be okay.

And I guess there are people watching out for me out there...Cha watch me and keep me in check...I know I asked you to do that this sem, don't forget...hehe...

I'm feeling better now. I'm starting to crack jokes again...hehe...